He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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