woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
