the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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