i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
