i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
