She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am naked and annoyed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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