I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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