I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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