If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
