there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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