I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
