Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All the doctor said was why
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
