im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
