Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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