dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
someone owes me an orgasm
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
