the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
