woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
