If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
