i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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