At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
