You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
