um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
