So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
