I want to have your abortion
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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