so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize