so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
