the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
