When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize