I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
