Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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