if i can run in heels then i can drive
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
