I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
