so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
