If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
