Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
