I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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