This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
