i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
