Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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