I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
