So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
