Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
