I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
