I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
