All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
