these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
