I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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