ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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