dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
