Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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