Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
