So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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