so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
