I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
