he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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