New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
