well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
