Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
