slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
