so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
