Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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