he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
