Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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