Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
