He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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