it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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