In the future we'll all be gay
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
