I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
