Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
