Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think my vagina is haunted
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
