I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
