the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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