i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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