I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
