he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
