i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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