Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize