Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
