Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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