i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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