there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
