how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
