JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
