She's JV to your varsity
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
