dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
