she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
