you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
