I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
