If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
