Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
