I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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