We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Houston, we have a squirter
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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