Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
