A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My pussy is not your playground.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
