I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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