found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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