ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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