There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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