Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
